Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
can u get pink eye on your cock?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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