Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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