You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
