apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
