Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
