So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
