If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
