the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
