Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
