Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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