im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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