somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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