hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
