or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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