I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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