I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
