I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
