The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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