guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
