I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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