I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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