I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
