SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
