Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
