I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
