I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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