Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
