we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
