Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
