Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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