why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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