I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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