is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
