rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
