party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
