is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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