I want to walk on stilts...naked
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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