Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
