Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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