dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
