she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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