I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
