we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
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