He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
