It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
