It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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