Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
