He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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