At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
