I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
