Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Found the puke drawer
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
we're so committed to being not committed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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