Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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