yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
