It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
