I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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