are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
